Goals are deceptive. The unaimed arrow never misses.

I'm in one of my intense moods today and it feels like an alien's just about to burst through my chest or something and I'm kinda tired and I'm kinda hyperactive and I think I might get depressed easily if something triggers it but I'm not at the moment. Although in short story we read a short story a classmate wrote about a battered wife and it made me feel really down while I was reading that story and that I felt like crying - not because it was a particularily moving story (It was good but not that good) but just cos I was in that mood.

Last night I was tutoring that boy - helping him learn to read and write and that - and his older brother went to the doctor and they said he should go to the hospital cos he might have appendicitis and so because I was there and someone needed to look after the two younger children I babysat while they went to hospital.

I adore these kids you know. Akin makes me want to have kids of my own and Tamara makes me realise that I'd be completely nuts to want to have kids, ever.

But I adore them both and they make me feel so special. There was a special moment when Tamara wanted to write something in this diary but because she's still learning how to write she asked me to write it out so she could copy it. First she had me write "Dear Diary" and I wrote it out like the teachers used to get us to write it when we were in primary school and she copied it rather messily in her diary. Then she thought about what to write next, so she asked me to show her how to write "I love Naomi"

See how they make me feel special? Anyway, just in case you see in my notebook that I've written "Dear Diary, I love Naomi" that's not me writing about how much I love myself - I'm not that self-obsessed - just so you know why it's there. She also made me a house out of paper.

But she's a real pain, you know, as I'll explain soon.

So I stayed the night and I didn't really get much sleep. Turns out their brother didn't have appendicitis and just a torn ligament or something, I dunno. I don't remember. So their mother and brother had to stay in the hospital all night and they were really tired. They had school in the morning and because the mother was so tired she had trouble getting up and even though the kids get up themselves no one told them to get ready to school and so they didn't.

Both of them were frustrating their mum to an extent and she was on a short temper. Tamara was the worst, and Tamara's a pretty girl and she knows she's a pretty girl and she loves being a pretty girl and she loves pretty things and she always wants to be as pretty as possible. She's very vain. She was okay at first but then her mum was quickly brushing her hair and tying it up in a pony tail - she wanted it like she had it the day before with lots of little bows and her hair done a certain way - it was still there from last night but it was messy and not like the school likes having her hair done that way.

So she stood and screamed and screamed while her mum did her hair and when she was done she absolutely refused to go anywhere. She wouldn't go to school at all and they were over an hour late. Her mum left her behind because she still had to take Akin to school and she asked me to stay just a bit longer until she came back from taking Akin to school.

So she was crying and crying and I feel really bad about this - since she made me a house out of paper and wrote "I love Naomi" in her diary the night before - but she put out her hands and wanted me to make her feel better and I said,
    'No, I'm not going to hug you. I'm not going to make you feel better because you did wrong.'

And she stood there crying and the whole time I just wanted to take back what I said and hug her and make her feel better. But I didn't want to enforce the bad behaviour, make her think it was alright cos it wasn't alright - certainly not for her mother who was tired and frustrated.

But I was telling this to my sister today and she said, 'If it was me I would've just gotten a pair of scissors and threatened to chop off her hair. That would have shut her up. If she was still making trouble I'd just chop it off.'

Absolutely brilliant. You can tell my sister would make an excellent mother.